According to my aunts' stories, as a young child, I was very shy and easy to cry. They said that when they would bring me to Kindergarten class, I would be crying when it was time for them to leave. The class couldn't start until I stopped crying. Ha ha!
Growing up with my paternal grandparents, I remember I was very protected. I couldn't just touch water because I might get cough and colds. I was allowed to eat "la tondan" bananas only because I might have a tummyache if I eat the other variety or even fruits. An aunt who acted as my nanny for sometime told us stories of my Lola Petra scolding them when my clothes were soiled and I would be all sweaty. I was not allowed to play on the streets with other children. I would only be sitting by the porch looking at the children happily playing, even under the rain, on the streets.
Because of this, I grew up keeping to myself most of the time. I was talawan (always scared, not confident). UP made me a more extrovert person, then the Jaycees made me a social animal, lol.
Yes, for the most part of my life, I have had things easy. I am used to having things done for me by other people. So far as I can remember, I always have someone to rely on, and do the difficult or challenging parts for me.
So, the first time I was made to go home because my father was in the hospital, I was really really scared. I think that was the first time I ever felt raw fear. I said to myself, "Lord, I know this will be on me... alone! So, help me, God!" Then my mother got hospitalized five months later for over fatigue; perhaps as a result of her caring for father earlier. Thank God for kind strangers and loving relatives! Plus, of course my superhero of a husband, who always shares some of his strength, if not all (everything he got), with me.
Being the elder of two children, I know my aging parents will be relying on me.
I had my strength tested again last month when my bachelor uncle, the brother of my father, was brought to the hospital by kind neighbors, and who later on passed on. Again, I had to go through the checking in the hospital, then in the morgue and arrange for funeral services... mostly by myself as only family members are allowed in the most sensitive parts of the hospital. When asked to view my uncle's body before it was cremated, I had to do it. I also had to carry his urn myself, for fear that other people might be scared or feel iffy about holding an urn of other people's ashes. I was even hesitant to ask my relatives to meet me at the airport or pier because they might not welcome the idea of an urn in their car. Again through it all, the kindness of strangers who became my friends for life, helped me and my husband handle it all.
My son asked me if I was ever scared, and I said, never for one moment did I feel fear or feel something paranormal as some people probably would.
Yes, I never knew I had this strength in me. Thanks to my positivity for it always comes in handy when things get more difficult.
And you know what? The Lord is truly amazing... all the time.
This recent experience of mine with my uncle, He again sent people my way to make things much easier for me.
My uncle's neighbors helped me with all the paperwork in Mandaluyong City Hall and in the Garden of Life funeral services. Never was I made to line up or wait for hours to accomplish the papers. The same thing happened in the airport as the urn was considered a carry-on luggage. Philippine Airlines sent someone to help me carry the urn to the human quarantine and help me back to the check-in counter then to the pre-departure area. When I reached Dumaguete, again my aunts and uncles met me and one uncle even carried the urn for me as I boarded the ferry to Siquijor. Upon reaching Siquijor, a porter helped me disembark and I arrived in Larena safe and sound, never for a moment encumbered, except for the gentle swaying of the ferry that I felt as I easily get seasick. But considering the time of the year to travel to Siquijor, those gentle waves were a welcome surprise. It was raining days before but I reached the island with the sun shining brightly as if it was summer time. Overall, the trip was a breeze.
God indeed is my refuge, my strength, and my deliverer!
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