I carry this fear that my sons would grow up to be rude, irresponsible, and unhappy individuals because I am not there 100% when they were growing up. You see, I would go to the office an hour or two away from home. I would leave at 7:00am and would be home by 7:00pm (if I'm lucky!), and that was when my nannies and I would do the substitution game.
The fear stems from horror stories we often hear about children growing up with nannies. My fears though are unfounded, and I have my nannies to thank for doing half of my mothering job.
My sons are now older, and in fact I observe are more mature than their teenage years (18 and 15). They are growing up to be responsible individuals, and quite independent! We are now down to one household help, who was also the nanny of the younger one. Yet even when Ate Ta is out of the house or goes on a vacation, my boys can cook their meals, bake simple pastries, do their laundry and can do household chores. They can even cook or fry food better than me!
Well, here's a disclosure: they don't do household chores on a regular or daily basis. They don't have a schedule to do this and that. Perhaps, because we always have househelp around, or in times of their long absence, I always have my mother with me. Or maybe because, Wizheart and I didn't also have household chores assigned to us when we were kids. I really don't know. But when push comes to shove, they will do the dishes, the laundry, vacuum, and cook. So, yeah, I am surprised that they seem to be programmed to know how to do these things because they can do it well.
Now, that I have been working from home for the past three years, I look at my growing boys and I can't help but be amazed.
When did the tantrums stop?
When did they learn to make decisions on their own?
When did they know when to stand for their beliefs and when to follow because they have to?
How did they learn what is right and wrong, and always go for what is right?
Who told them to tell us the passwords of their gadgets?
Who told them to always pick up the phone when we call them?
Who told them to inform us of their whereabouts and what they are doing?
How did they know that a conversation is a two-way street? (You see, this family loves to share stories with each other!)
When did we start relying on them to run errands, do stuff, keep house etc.?
Did my husband and I give a sermon every day OR did we just show them the way?
I realize, it is more with the latter. We show them the way.
People close to us know that we are more of giving positive reinforcement and showing them the consequence of their actions. We don't also go on lengthy and repetitive discussions about what went wrong. Once a child realizes what he has done wrong, we don't need to keep on harping on it. "One word is enough for a wise man," is our unwritten rule in the house.
We nurture openness in our home. At the start, we don't ask---or now we text---them what/where/whom they are (with), instead we tell/text them how we are spending our days. And they can observe that when their father is out of town or out of the country for a business trip, their father would text his days' activities several times in a day, LOL. As a result, they do the same.
That's basically our dynamics.
It is still a work in progress as parenting doesn't end even if our children themselves grow old and gray.
But yes, what I am learning from my teenage sons: we sow understanding, compassion and love, and these are what we reap.
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