Meikah's Web

Showing posts with label teen parenting. Show all posts

I have an 18-year-old, and don't I feel old? Not at all! In fact, I feel small! LOL

My elder son, Gabo, whom I nicknamed after the Colombian novelist Gabriel García Márquez, has always been our source of pride and joy. From the time he started school (at 4 years old), he has always enjoyed going to school. I can't remember a time that he expressed boredom or any desire to be absent. He never even wanted to be late!

He always wants to be in school and not just being there but actively present in all academic and exrta-curricular activities. And every day since, till to this day, he always has stories to tell.

Gabo and I (including his first and second nanny and the whole household) didn't have an easy start though. When he was only a few days' old, he would be crying all the time. He wouldn't want to be laid down. I had to sit and hold him in my arms from midnight till morning because if I would lay him down to the bed or his crib, he would wail! That crying and wailing lasted till he was two years old, I think. Ha ha!

When he was about two years old, he was not very friendly as well. Several times, he bit his playmates and quarreled with them. That started me worried about his social skills. But, we just observed his behavior.

Thankfully, when he got a little older and wiser, he changed for the better. He became the most friendly and loving child to all of us. I observed that the change in behavior began when he was able to appreciate his birthday parties. Every year till his seventh year, we would throw a big party for him (and his younger brother) with all the party paraphernalia. In fact, his friends in the neighborhood look forward to his parties every year. Only then did he become more sociable.

I think that's the purpose of birthday parties---they teach us to socialize, make and keep friends.

In his early years, Gabo would easily get cough which would often end up as asthma. Being an active young boy, he would be running around the neighborhood with his friends, and when he would fall or trip, for sure the next day, he would be coughing. So, we would bring him to his pediatrician every time.

Then one day, we learned that swimming is a good and effective cure for asthma. So, we would let his nanny take him to the villas clubhouse and let him play and swim. That went on for sometime until we noticed that they had stopped going. When we asked, we found out that Gabo almost drowned or felt that he was drowning when the nanny failed to hold him tightly.

Oh no! Phobia will not have a day in the life of my kid!

We immediately enrolled him at Lozada's Swimming Classes. By doing so, we would be hitting two birds (be cured from his asthma and get over his phobia) with one stone so to speak. At first, Gabo was hesitant even to go to the pool. But slowly, he conquered his fears and survived his phobia, and no longer suffers from asthma! He has become a good swimmer, even winning medals in his school swimming competition. See him in action here when he was learning to swim and play basketball.

It really pays to be attuned to your child's day-to-day struggles and triumphs, and help him deal with it early on.

For the past 18 years, Gabo has kept on conquering challenges both in academics and sports. He has it easy, in fact. He may not be number one in his classes though he has good grades, but he occupies a comfortable niche that he won't go unnoticed or be forgotten by his classmates and teachers, and even by his friends. He is quite popular among his peers and a favorite of his teachers! He he!

Our relationship is not without bumps. We disagree on some things and agree on other things. He has a tendency to insist and stand by his decision even if it's a bit off. We would put our foot down, of course, after showing him the pros and cons of his decision. I for one would always end the argument by telling him, "You take a long hard look, Gab, if what you are going for will be good or bad for you. I think you already know what is good and bad." He would go quiet for a few hours, go to his room or any other spot in the house, and then would come back to me and hug me and say sorry. Even now in his senior high school and he stays in a condo near his university, we would deal with him the same way, and the ending would always be him acquiescing and seeing the value of what we are trying to tell him.

It is not easy, as we are aware of kids rebelling or getting depressed from being reprimanded. So, we strike a balance of being strict and loose, but always making him feel that we are here ready to listen to him, see his side of the story, and that he is welcome to decide for himself but with our guidance still.

Gabo will be entering college in five months' time and will be pursuing an engineering course just like his father. He will be taking civil engineering.

I pray to the Lord Almighty that He will guide him in all his undertakings and keep him away from temptations that would hinder him from fulfilling his dreams.

I can see that he is a good man; a loving son, brother, grandson, and friend.

As for me and my husband and family, we will be here supporting him 101%! We love him dearly!

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My elder son completed Junior High this month. His batch is the first to do so in the new DePEd Kto12 curriculum. Then they proceed to two years of Senior High.

Last year, we were busy applying to both big universities and colleges for Senior High. Today, he's deciding between UST and San Beda College Alabang. We have made reservations for the latter, but have yet to do for the former. We are praying we can be accommodated in UST. He qualified for the grade requirement but his track, which is STEM, has a quota, so he is on the waitlist. He also really wanted to be in DLSU, but his grades fell short. According to the letter from La Salle, his grades from Grades 8 to 2 quarters of Grade 10 were also considered to qualify.

That was a wake-up call too late for Gabo. He realized that we (Wizheart & I) were right all along--that your grades in previous years will be considered when you apply for university. I knew that for a fact when I applied for UP and took UPCAT. But, Gabo didn't take that advice to heart. Perhaps, he was too distracted by a lot of things.

Distracted. That's the keyword to describe his whole Junior High. He was doing a lot of things at the same time. Although his academics didn't really suffer as a result of his focus on sports (he maintained a GPA of 87% and never had remedial classes, and kept getting gold and silver medals in basketball, volleyball and swimming), that was still not enough as the competition was stiff. If you look at the list of top students, you would see that most of them only differ in decimal points.

So throughout his Junior High, he didn't get any academic awards so unlike when he was in Grade School when he got metals in academic contests despite making it to the finals in major subjects. But he did collect quite a number of awards in sports. In fact, in the last sportsfest, I was going back and forth to the stage to get his awards.

In the remaining days of Grade 10, I could already feel his anxiety and unhappiness. I guess because he knew I would be expecting some award (he he! bad me! I know!). He was quiet most of the time. I guess he was eyeing for the Athlete of the Year, at least. But still he didn't get it.

In short, he didn't get any recognition as he completed his Junior High. Not even the Loyalty award as he entered the school in second grade only.

I must admit, I was downhearted, too. I used to being on stage come graduation or recognition rites. I attended this year's Recognition Rites as executive secretary of the High School Family Council, and all the while, I wished I were one of those parents who were putting on medals on their children.

Then I caught myself. For the nth time, I had to remind myself that this is not about me.

Still, I can't help feeling guilty. My son has a lot of potential to excel, but I feel I didn't push him enough, I was not there enough, Idid not guide him enough. I did not give him my 100 percent support!

I know he has a long way to go in life. And I've been told that it's not too late. He can still do better, especially in Senior High. I think he plans to do that, too. The past days/weeks leading to his Junior High Completion rites and when exam results of DLSU and UST started coming in, he kept on embracing me and saying, I will do better, "Babawi ako Mama." Yes, babawi tayo. XD

I can hear the seriousness in his voice coupled with regret, and my heart tears some more.

The hard lesson I learned from this experience is that our children, especially during their growing up years, do not really know what they want to accomplish unless we show them what they can do, can accomplish, can achieve.

I never knew completing Junior High could be this anticlimactic!

We cannot be prouder though for he has grown to be a good-hearted young man.

We love you, Gabo... very very much!

On Wizheart: Gap polo shirt, M&S slacks

On Gabo: Custom-made long-sleeves, slacks

On Rago: Uniqlo shirt, Penshoppe jeans

On Me: Stradivarius dress

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I have a son in Junior High. When he started talking about his JS Prom, I couldn't quite describe how I was feeling. I couldn't believe I now have a child who goes to prom, lol.

I felt a glow of pride as people would say that I am raising a good son this far. It's still unbelievable to think that I am really a parent, a mother to this man-boy.

Excitedly, I asked, "So, who did you ask to the prom?"
He went, "We are paired by the teachers."

Huh?

With his answer, I knew this prom would be a different kind. True enough, the Juniors wore their class color, which is dark pink, and the Seniors wore theirs, some shade of green.

I hope no one minds I posted these photos here... :-)

Arranged partners, uniform clothes, rehearsed program, and parents are invited! Really a different kind of prom.

One the one side, I say, it's a good kind actually. It tempers the awkwardness high schoolers feel at this time.

Remember your high school, when all you do and feel is being conscious?

I do! I would shy away from boys. I felt fat. I felt ugly. I was Ms Insecure. I didn't love myself much physically, so when two male classmates asked me to the prom, I declined. I could still remember till today the look of that boy who asked to the Junior Prom. He angled towards me awkwardly. With a querulous voice, asked me, "Would you go with me to the prom?" I think he didn't finish his question yet, when I mumbled, also awkwardly, "No." Oh my! I regretted not having said yes, years later, actually. But to this day, I still remember that boy and would feel sad about it because he was an admirer since grade school. Can you beat that? Funny, yeah!

So, my father had to ask a friend who asked his son to be my partner. It was hilarious, now that I think about it. But that son, who was good-looking but shy like me, and I shared a special bond months after. In my Senior prom, I went with my brother as I didn't like the one who asked me then. Hay! High school life! Ha ha!

But I believe not one of my classmates knew how I was feeling. I compensated all that by being good in academics. No one thought I was shy then. I was active in all school activities; I was among the leaders, lol.

So going back to my son's prom, yeah, I think it was a good decision to do it that way. I was with my fellow moms during that time, and as I sat by the bleachers, I observed every girl and imagined how she might have felt. I saw mostly awkwardness. And I understand perfectly.

I asked my son if he ever felt awkward or conscious, he said, "No. Why should I?"

I didn't elaborate. At the prom, I saw he was having fun, with his friends, boys or girls, even if he is single at that time. To me that was the most important thing.

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I never really thought about this until my sons complained that I share too much about them on Facebook.

Every time there are little successes and upsets in the family, they would go, "Don't post it on Facebook, Ma." Or "Don't tag me on Facebook, Ma."

So, I checked myself.

I refrain from sharing about them too much on my Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. But on occasions that I really feel the urge to do a selfie or selfwe with them, I am guilty of coercing and even bribing them. But yesterday, when we were in the cinemas to watch Big Hero 6, no bribing could make them have a selfie or photo with Baymax, lol.

However, since I have this blog and I have a Facebook Page of this blog, I tell them that I may sometimes have to post about them. They understand, all right... sometimes.

There is more to parenting in the digital age than just posting photos and sharing stories of your kids and family online. Like any undertaking, there are good and the bad sides to it.

The good - having a support group

The good is that you have a community of parents sharing tips and tricks on parenting. You learn a lot from other moms or parents about how to handle health issues like which medicine/vitamins to take, which doctor/hospital to go. Or if a parent posts about school concerns, other parents who had experienced the same would offer some advice. It's a fun learning activity online, actually. If a parent or a family is going through something difficult, you also have a whole community praying for you. That can mean a lot.

The bad - security and privacy of family members

The downside is the concern about security. Many parents have raised concerns about their kids being too exposed, and thus may be open to any form of abuse or exploitation.

Then there's the side from the kids. Especially, if you have teenagers, when the kids are in their awkward stage, sharing them with family and strangers (let's face it, our online friends may be strangers to them) could be embarrassing to them. Besides, I think as a general rule, kids really feel uncomfortable when parents gush about them. It could pose an undue pressure on them to be always in their best behavior, to be always the best that they can be. Nothing wrong with encouraging our children to be the best, but some kids may react differently.

After weighing the pros and cons, I believe it is really up to you to assess how your family and kids feel about it. As parents, we always consider our family's best intentions.

The ugly - envy among peers

This may sound delusional, but yeah, there are people who get envious of what they see on other people's social media updates and it fuels gossip and creates controversy all the time. I say, this new media is only for the mature!

Posted by Meikah Ybañez-Delid
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My elder son turned 14 years old on March 1st. I've been a mother of a teenager for two years, now, and I survived it without any hitches! I can't believe it myself, lol.

Teen years is the time when conflict between parents and child occur. It is at this time that teen hormones play a major role in a child's life. It doesn't help that hormonal imbalance also starts to kick in in parents. LOL So, you can really expect some fireworks. But I'm happy that Gabo and I didn't experience major fights the past two years. In fact, we had more disagreements when he was a tweener when he was more reactive, more argumentative, and restless.

But this is not to say we don't have our shares of disagreements. And so I write this letter for him (this is in part what I also wrote in our birthday card for him).

Our dear Gabo,

You are now 14 years old. No longer a child but not yet a full grown up. You are in what we call a transition phase, where you think you know what to do and thus don't want to be told what to do. You are also at a time when you feel changes in your body, which often affect how you feel. During these times, you will feel inadequate (nothing is good enough, you always want more), you will feel awkward, insecure, and you will feel impatient and frustrated.

Well, I have good news for you. All these will pass. Know that whenever you feel down, we are here to cheer you up. Whenever you feel inadequate, we are here to fill you up. Whenever you feel frustrated, we are here to lift your spirits up.

This is also the time when peer pressure seems to be more felt. I am sure you know what I mean because you have a lot of groups of friends. These groups of friends will have different priorities from what you have. But they can persuade you to go their way, which may or may not bring you good all the time. It's time for you to think hard, weigh in, and to learn to be firm in your decisions and not to be easily persuaded just because you feel you have to. Don't worry, we will guide you on this.
You have been bugging us to allow you to do sleepovers, and a couple of times, we let you because we know the family you are going to be with. But this will not be the norm or a regular thing. We will still be discussing any request from you.
Many people, our friends, relatives, and your teachers, admire you and respect you. We are often told about this. So, don't disappoint them. Always show respect. Be always in your best behavior.
Gab, we will always be here for you. And we look forward to the day when you are more mature and confident about yourself. That time will come for sure. In fact, you are already showing signs of that.
Meanwhile, enjoy your teen years. I know you LOVE basketball, and we are supporting you all the way on this. Explore other disciplines as well, so you can better prepare for college and for life later on.
Our every day prayer since the day you were born remains the same: "Lord God, help us rear this child that you have oh so sweetly entrusted to us. Amen!"