How Do You Whisper a Greeting To Heaven?

I was 9 years old in this picture. I was with my father, whom I fondly call Hutsai.

I was not able to go home to pay my last respects for my father last year. Travelling then was close to impossible. I could have insisted but I was also thinking of my elderly mother who could be infected if I travelled and exposed myself.

Truly, this corona virus sucks!

My father passed on, on my 52nd birthday at that. But because I was not able to say goodbye properly, I still feel he is living and just here. 

Several times, I would reach out for my phone and attempt to send him a message as I used to, only to realize that he is no longer there. Other times, I would strongly feel his presence as if he is really still there and I can talk to him. Then I would realize he is no longer there.

It's hard because he and mother have been a big part of my life. Growing up, I cannot remember a time that he was not there. He was a busy man, but he was always there. Even up to now, that I am already married, and with grown up sons, we would still spend time and celebrate milestones together, every single year!