How a Midlifer Deals with an 18-Year Old

My younger son, Rago, turned 18 last month, November. My older son, Gabo, turned 20 last March. Here are my thoughts when he turned 18 two years ago. I no longer have babies, but men! LOL 

Time flies! 

I get a lot of questions about  how I survive with two teens and boys at that. And when they left home to live in a dorm for college, I would get questions, too, on how I monitor their activities and whereabouts. 

Well, I don't! Surprised? Ha ha!

I don't need to monitor because they are open. They share with me their schedules, their adventures, their wins and mishaps. Every step of the way, I--together with my husband, of course--am there supporting them. 

So going back to the question on how I, a midlifer, deal with my 18-year-old. We have several years between us, but mind you, we relate better than anybody else. Let me share some tips I gathered from my experience. 

Why? He is my son or daughter, I already have a relationship with him, for sure. Yes, parent-child relationship, which is biological in nature. But an open and loving relationship need to be developed and nurtured. 

One way to do that is to communicate. Make your home a safe place for them to speak up and share their thoughts. If your home is full of rules of  "don't do this, don't do that" or "no, you should do it this way, not that way" or "I know better because I've been there." 

No way, jose! LOL This is a sure-fire way for them to keep quiet and not talk to you at all. 

So, when other parents share that when they talk to their teens, they get monosyllables--1 question, 1-word answer--I would mutter a "Thank you, Lord, that my kids are not like that."

There is a LOT of conversations going on in our home. 

I know this is hard to do especially that we feel we are older, we know better and that they are younger and should not be trusted yet.

In our case, we slowly put our trust in them when they reached their teens. We let them make decisions, and if those decisions turned out to be not so good, we discuss with them, why it was so. This way, they will feel that we trust them to do the right decision for them. 

And here's the thing, because my parents did the same to me and to my brother, when you know that your parents trust you, you will be very careful not to lose that trust.  

So, there! 

I realize that if I have a healthy relationship with my children, I can learn a lot from them, too. Here's what I learn from them.  

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